The Thing Doesn’t Exist

I can only speak for myself, but the majority of my life has been spent from a perspective that I am insufficient. That there is a “thing” I fundamentally lack.

The “thing” can take many forms, whether it be a career, relationship, different physical body, spirituality, medicine/treatment, talent, power, love, confidence, money, respect, or whatever imaginable.

I feel that once I obtain these “things”, self actualization is a given. Yet, these “things” and the power I mentally give to them is what truly stands in my way.

The way I see it, there’s only two options when it comes to focusing on these “Things” and both lead to my suffering.

1. I Never Obtain “The Thing”

I strive and strive endlessly, yet never get what I yearn for.

Worst case: I develop a negative mindset either towards myself (because I view myself as an inadequate failure), or I develop a negative mindset toward the universe for not giving me the things I deserve.

Best Case: I remain optimistic that any day now I’ll obtain the “thing” and find happiness. Yet, I never find it because I’m always a “thing” away.

2. I Obtain “The Thing”

God-Almighty I did it! I got the thing! I’m happier than I’ve ever been and I’m screaming from the mountain tops “dreams do come true!”

Yet, is doesn’t take long for the initial endorphins to wear off and to find myself back at baseline. Whether I want to admit it or not, “The Thing” loses its flame once I enclose it in my grip.

Not only that, but now I have this “Thing” I obtained that I really don’t want to lose. Whether it be my dream job or the perfect romantic partner, I find myself in the insecure position of constantly striving to maintain my possession/control over these “things”.

The negative fear of losing my “things” far outweighs the positives of when I obtained them…

Conclusion: I can’t expect some external “thing” to ever bring me lasting happiness. If lasting happiness does exist, it’ll be found deep within.